Rules for Triathlon Success (An outsider's view from the couch)

Here's the second weekly installment from Mrs Ironman Lincoln. It's a witty understanding that, we athlete's, sometimes need things to be just so. 

As well as liking to display our passion in more ways than just the training and racing, we don't tend to see things in the same way that as others. Of course, we're the normal ones, right?

So, here's some very true observations from my beautiful wife. Enjoy and please add your own in the comments section. We've all got our own weird ones, I'm sure.

1.                   Respond with a look of pure disdain if anyone mentions a heated pool or a 25 meter pool as a potential training location.

2.                   It is entirely reasonable to service a bike more often than a car, and, although it has no motor and fewer wheels, it is perfectly acceptable that the service cost hundreds of dollars.

3.                   In any given situation, at least one item of clothing on your person MUST communicate to others that you are a Serious Triathlete. Try a competitor’s T-shirt, compression tights, wraparound sunglasses, or, in a bind, Fancy Watch which Beeps Incessantly and is the Size of a Chicken Breast.

4.                   Muesli is not just a breakfast food. It is perfectly acceptable to eat muesli four times a day. Buying it ready-made in small packages is laughable; buy the ingredients in bulk and store it in a large bucket or clam pool.

5.                   Play to win. This also applies in everyday life. Your wife may think it’s over the top, but she’s a whiny loser who should have put houses on Park Lane when she had the chance.

6.                   After an ice bath, it is common sense to place the multiple large bags that held the ice in the tiny bathroom bin. Be sure to close the lid so they can’t escape!

7.                   Get the following message printed on a T-shirt to save yourself hours of explanation: “No, the Ironman on the beach with the paddle-boards is different. I do the other kind. The kind with a bike.”

8.                   Food is fuel. Taste is immaterial. Sardines, anyone?

9.                   Stretching can (and should) be done anywhere. Take every opportunity. Stuck in a meeting? Sit on the floor and stretch out those legs. Comforting your wife after an episode of Offspring? Stretch out your neck as she mops up those tears.

10.               The shower is a convenient place to hang your wetsuit to dry. Just remember to warn your wife it is there, so that when she goes to the toot in the middle of the night she doesn’t think a headless floating zombie is about to eat her brains.