Triathlon Spouse

You don’t get far in triathlon without some serious support. I am no exception.

Particularly in my first few years of competing, I must have been the worst possible person to be around on race morning but, my now wife, Mrs Ironman Lincoln, has done an exceptional job at absorbing those moments. Especially, the times when we were on our way to a race at 5:30am and half way there I remember something that I had neglected to get before leaving home. I’m quite sure she regretted getting out of her nice warm bed sometimes just to stand in the cold, usually on her own, and cheer for me in the fleeting second that she caught me going past on my bike and then as I entered the finishing chute.

I think I have improved my race morning attitude a lot since then but I still struggle when I don’t fit in every second of training or can’t find exactly what I want to eat.

Of course, there are other family and friends who have been wonderful support but my beautiful wife has attended nearly every race I have ever done. She’s a real trooper.

Over the past 5 and a half years of triathlon gradually creeping further and further into our lives, Mrs Ironman Lincoln has discovered many traits of the obsessive triathlete. You may be familiar with some of these but you may also be missing the crucial signs. Don’t worry, she’s here to help and over the next few weeks, as I build towards the Ironman 70.3 World Championships which is less than one month away, I will post some blog pieces from her which will provide you with a detailed account of what life is like with a triathlon junkie, like me.

Are you a triathlon spouse?

By: Mrs Ironman Lincoln.

How many water bottles and backpacks do you have in your home?

A. Well, I don't live with any primary school aged children or camping fanatics, so, zero.

B. I have my old high school backpack that my friends graffitied in year 11, but that's it.

C. At least eight backpacks and a dozen water bottles. I’m quite sure they are breeding in the night.

Which of the following is standard behaviour for you on a Sunday morning?

A. We sleep in, tidy the house then wander around Bunnings eating sausages and arguing about whipper-snippers.

B. We relax with a coffee while sharing the Sunday paper, then we head out for a walk or a jog.

C. We get up at 4am to hunt for a car park, then I lug around two backpacks, a bike pump, sunscreen, umbrella and folding chair whilst trying to catch a glimpse of familiar Lycra as it whizzes past.

Your partner wears stockings, and he's a man. What is your reaction?

A. I guess it’s time for the, “It’s not you, it’s me,” conversation.

B. I hope he's not wearing my heels, too. He'd stretch them out.

C. They're not "stockings"; they're compression tights. They aid recovery.

How expensive/ difficult is your partner to feed?

A. He eats what I eat, so not hard at all

B. Men eat a lot, don't they? He eats about double what I eat.

C. It's like having eight husbands. He eats constantly and he can never just eat what the rest of us are having. It has to be balanced and contain low GI carbohydrates. (Is it just me or does wholemeal pasta taste like the box it comes in?)

Where does your partner get most of his wardrobe?

A. I buy his clothes and he gets gifted socks, jocks and hankies.

B. He shops for himself - he wears suits to work and trackies or jeans on the weekend.

C. He gets given all of his t-shirts at sporting events, and then teams them with whatever else appears in his wardrobe.

Does your partner have a bike?

A. No.

B. Yeah, its main function is providing shelter for a family of Daddy long-legs in our garage.

C. Yes, it is part-bike, part- the other woman. It cost more than his car and he can't use it to commute anywhere because he is afraid someone will steal it.

What happens if your partner can't exercise?

A. Nothing, he just gains weight like the rest of us, but it doesn't bother him.

B. He gets super cranky and restless.

C. This has never happened.

What does your partner say when you suggest a holiday location?

A. Sounds good, babe.

B. Can't we go camping instead?

C. They have a great triathlon course there! They have transition in the park near the beach and it’s the best tri in the region and my mate did it two years ago and got stung by a jelly and we should go in February cos that's when it is...

How did you go?

Mostly A's: Your partner is perfectly normal with little to no interest in participating in triathlons. If you are happy with this, be sure that your spouse doesn't train for a triathlon, 'just for fun.' He or she will love it, become addicted and you will lose your Sunday mornings.

Mostly B's: You and your partner have a great relationship where neither party participates in triathlons and both of you are happy about this. Nip any dangerous behaviour in the bud by prohibiting Lycra items and restricting the number of runners he can purchase in one year.

Mostly C's: You are a triathlon spouse. Your loved one is psycho for swimming, bonkers for bikes and raging for running. Oh sure, he loves you, but better not ask if he loves his bike more. Be happy that he keeps so fit and try not to worry about him finding dead bodies when he's out running.